I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
