how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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