Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize