Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
