This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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