Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
