How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
