Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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