We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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