And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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