he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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