D3 body, D1 cock
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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