I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize