His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
