I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
