You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
