Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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