mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize