i was born a porn star she said
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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