it hurts more in the daytime
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
