I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
