people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
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