im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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