she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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