i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
