I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize