Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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