gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I am one with the molecules
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
