im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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