Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
