so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize