I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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