I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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