I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
