I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
