You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
