I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
