We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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