Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
