Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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