I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
