I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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