Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
