I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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