It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
