Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize