I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
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