I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
