all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
