just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
