ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
