If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
