At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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