Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
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