i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i will never coherently bang her
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
