This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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