i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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