You can't motorboat a personality
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
