your room smells of hookers.
And success
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
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