WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
