and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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