I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
