we have officially lost it.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
it's like iHOP with fire
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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