So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Randomize
