Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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