So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
