I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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