I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm too high and old for this...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
