That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
