I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
