My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize