I feel great
I just peed on a car
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
