ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
