Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
