You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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