Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize