"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you told grandpa to call you daddy
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
