i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
