at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
