she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
