can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
