She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
