im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
