Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
