Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
