When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
