Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
