singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
