I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize