Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
