i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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