he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
