haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
