Life is so much better after having sex.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Randomize
