I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
How's work?
Spinning.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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