threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
