Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
