So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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