Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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