i barfeds in our rink
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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