remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
