Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize