im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
