Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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