thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
