Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
