Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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