i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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