we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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