we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
