Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
