we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
