I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
