so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
