She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
