This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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