U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
