theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
