Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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