You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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