She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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