So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
