it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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