Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
