The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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