Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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