dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
