You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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