My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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