Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
two words: eviction party
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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